UNCOMFORTABLE.

Kristin, Katie and I wrote a scene, meant to educate, and educate. This happened at Metropolitan on May 24th. I cut out all the good parts.

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LOW STANDARDS – TALKIN’ ‘BOUT ‘GINAS

LOW STANDARDS is an endearingly queer night of joy. An all-star lineup of performers comprise the roster at this new monthly talent(less) show at 7pm on Tuesday, May 24th, at Metropolitan.

This is pretty much what it will look like.

Come see melodramatic love songs, trite slam poems, awkward stand-up comedy, sophomoric political rants, performance “art,” and more! Our standards may be low, but we’ve got love in our hearts. Satire has never been so rainbow-colored.

Katie Liederman, Kristin Sedivec, and I will be doing an magically melodramatic/educational scene that can teach us all a thing or two about our identities and ourselves.

ENTER MITTEN

Joanna Katcher and Maia MacDonald are two lovely friends of mine with one extraordinary new album.

NEW YEAR’S DAY SONG 6: PETS PETS PETS

Every new year’s day, we write, perform and record a song about something that happened the night before. Like your roommate suddenly moving out at 7pm on Dec 31st to get out of paying rent, or neighbors lying about having a baby to get you to shut your party down. You know, typical stuff.

Not all of them are about sunshine and daisies, though. Sometimes we sing about exterminators who kill rats by crushing light bulbs and mixing them with peanut butter! I bet you just can’t wait to listen now!

2011: “That’s What I’ll Do For You” by Pet Lovers Anonymous

MORE FESTIVALS THAN I CAN COUNT ON ONE FINGER.

Our little short film is playing at the 2010 Bushwick Film Festival (which is always a good time, I can attest to that).

I will not be there, for I will be supporting Mitten in DC at Phasefest. It’s okay, you can go without me.

THE BANALITY OF EVIL.

Concept by Sarah Pappalardo. Design by Kristin Sedivec. Please VOTE for our amateurish design so that it can get printed.

MY GOALS.

It took me awhile. But I found that I am not the most notable Pappalardo ever to walk this earth.

It’s this guy. He may be lip syncing, but look at that outfit! That hair! Look at how he sweats! And oh, that voice. That passionate grovel that can only come from a Pappalardo. Or any middle-aged Italian man.

Would you like to know where he is now?

Reality Television.

After working with a group of Italians for the past year, it only recently occurred to me that being a Pappalardo in Italy is like being named Rick Astley here in the states. So, my goal is to be the first Pappalardo to not become a reality TV star after gaining notoriety. The ball is currently in my court.

I MAY BE A DRONE, BUT MY FRIENDS AREN’T

I don’t do anything right now, but my friends go to India to search their souls and write song fragments, and illustrate Flash pieces to go along with them. Click on the image below to see.

DOLLY.

On April 6, 2010, Kristin, Katie, and I performed a song inspired by the autobiography of Dolly Parton: My Life and Other Unfinished Business. Kristin and I are the breasts.

BAD MUGGERS MAKE GOOD STORIES.

Two in the afternoon on the corner of a busy street and a not-so-busy street, Kristin and I are walking between a semi-truck and a wall and I’m all

DAMN I COULD REALLY USE A BAGEL RIGHT NOW walk walk walk hangover walk

And then two young men walk up to us, point a gun in our face, and tell us not to fucking move and I’m like

HELP HELP THERE ARE TWO ARMED MEN TRYING TO ROB US HELP HELP PLEASE CALL 911 HELP OMGZ PLS FCKING HELP US KTHX

I see two girls and their mom looking for apartments about 100 feet away, and start running toward them, not realizing that the young man still has a gun pointed at Kristin so I stop and I’m all

OMG THEY ARE GOING TO KILL MY GFF HELP STOP THE BAD MEN CALL THE AUTHORITIES I AM REALLY GOOD AT YELLING BTW I’VE DONE OUTDOOR COMMUNITY THEATER AND THERE ARE REALLY GOOD WALLS HERE

Then I start looking right at them and they start to get nervous because I take off my hangover sunglasses and snarl at them with a deathy snarl and say

THERE ARE TWO GIRLS AND A MOM LOOKING FOR APARTMENTS AND THEY ARE LOOKING AT YOU POINTING A GUN WHICH IS REALLY STUPID OF YOU DON’T YOU THINK

And so the guy without the gun pushes the guy with the gun while this whole other guy is just watching us all, so the guy with the gun just throws his gun on the ground and they start running but Kristin had already started running in the opposite direction as I was giving them the whatfor so I shook my fists and was all

OMGZZZ CALL TEH 91111111 run run run run run cry run

And then I talk to the two young girls and the mom looking for apartments and I talk to 911 all

HI 911 CAN YOU COME HERE PLEASE THERE IS A GUN ON THE GROUND AND IT IS DEF NOT MINE FYI

And then the cops come and we drive around and then we come back and the gun is on the ground and there are all these detectives and cops dancing with each other and all

I THINK ITS FAKE WOO WOO HAYYY sexual innuendo sexual innuendo

And then we realize it was one of those guns like on the subway ad
Except it was THE OPPOSITE because it was a toy gun that was painted to look real

So we got held up with a BB gun but they suck at mugging obviously since if they were good muggers they would have taken something from us.